I am broken right now.

Frozen in a moment of unknown. 

My family is right in the middle of a pause.  My hubby lost his job a few months ago and we are not sure how to answer “where we will be next.”  I am broken right now; broken in this moment of not knowing what is next. 

I think we all find ourselves in this moment at one time or another.  It is a part of life, the ebb and flow of change. A part of life we can not control or predict but know it will come at some point. 

A new baby leads us to ask what life will look like next.  

A shattered or lost relationship has us question where we will go next.  

A friend we have come to rely on moves. 

Our marriage hits a rough patch that we are not sure how to solve.

A job change or move or just an unknown has us scrambling to solve what next looks like.

When we are not sure what the future holds, it can be paralyzing — especially in this time we are living in now.  We feel frozen in a moment, not knowing what step to take next. We need to decide what decision needs to be made or new routines need to be embraced.  But the scary and real reality that we get to question what is next is a gift.

Unknown Is A Gift

Ok, just go with me for a moment.  The fact that we get to question and seek out what is next actually lets us know that new possibilities and opportunities are on the horizon.  That a dream or goal you have been chasing might finally come true. It means we landed in a place that we are forced to not be content or complacent.  What a gift to be pushed and stretched and given the opportunity to dream. All because we are in a moment of unknown.  

So yes, I feel broken right now, those emotions are still real. It does not take away from the fact that I feel lost.

I still feel scared.

I still want to control the situation.

Fear still strikes my heart when I stop to think that I don’t know what’s next.

Anger can erase irrational thought, needing to know what’s next.

And a deep desire for things to stay the same can overwhelm my heart. 

But I am dreaming and hoping and feel more alive than when stuck on a one-way street of what I think life should look like.  I would probably walk this one-way street content and oblivious to what could be, until the rug is pulled out from underneath me. When things don’t go the way I plan, I will choose to use this opportunity to go where I never could have planned. I will take this moment that I feel I will break in and use it to push myself into something I would not have chosen if comfortable and content.

Brokenness To Lead to Dreams

Brokenness and walking through an unknown can propel you into dreams you never even knew you had.  Standing in a place of unknown and what is next has allowed me to find a passion for teaching and writing.  It has also moved me to amazing places I would have never chosen on my own. And it has shown me the strength and grit I hoped I had, but now know I have!!  And I will be thankful for that, even if it scares me!

I will be broken in the unknown and I will cherish this moment I am in. 

unknown

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Cascia
Cascia was born and raised in the Arizona heat. While receiving her Pre-Med degree at HIU in California, a blonde, surfing, skateboarding boy stole her heart. Although they both dream of having their toes in the salty California waters; they now call Colorado home with their 3 children (9, 6, 5) and their adorable cat named Turtle. They are busy enjoying all the new adventures and crazy weather patterns that Colorado Springs has to offer. Her family can often be found hiking (they just conquered the Crags!!), searching for any type of water to play in, enjoying a new farmer's market or just hanging in their backyard, tending to their garden. After 3 years as a SAHM, she is ready to get back out into the education world. Playing guitar, writing songs, and reading any and every parenting book helps keep her sane and happy! A good cup of coffee or a bubbly La Croix can usually be found in her hand! She is trying to live by the motto "I'd rather recover from failure than live with regret.

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