You know those sayings people have about “finding your tribe?”  I don’t know who those people are, but I need lessons. Making friends does NOT come easily to this girl.  It always seems like people in movies have a great group of friends who are super close and able to tell each other everything.  And I always thought that was a made-up, scripted idea.

Who actually has that? Not me!  

Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve had a tough time making friends.  Well, I had a pretty good group of friends in elementary school, when it was easy to have friends — you played together, and that’s about all it took.  But then middle school hit, and those friends started dropping like flies.  By high school, I had a few friends I talked to at school, but never socialized with outside of school hours.  In grad school, I made a couple friends, but it’s just not the same when they’re 1,500 miles across the country.  When I moved to Colorado, I had zero local friends.

I’ve never really been one who “fit in.”  Admittedly, I am very introverted, and that probably has something to do with it.  But that doesn’t mean I don’t want friends.  I desperately do!  I’ve had many conversations with my husband (some of them to the point of tears) about how I wished I had a tribe — a friend.  This is a huge point of pain in my life. I’ve prayed about it so much my prayer journal probably got tired of having the same words written in it day after day. 

And I don’t mean a friend you see a few times a year.  I want a real friend — someone who texts me during the day just to see how I’m doing; a friend who meets me for coffee and we talk for two hours; someone who comes to my house to watch TV and not talk sometimes; with whom I can be vulnerable, and they can feel comfortable to do the same.  I want a friend to do life with me.  

Is that too much to ask? 

Y’all, this is not a story about how I finally figured out the key to finding my “tribe.”  This is me, asking all of YOU: do you feel like you have a “tribe?” Are you able to be vulnerable with those people?  Does that come naturally to you? How did you create this “tribe?” Y’all, friendship is H A R D.  

Nearly two years after moving to the Springs, I have one good friend.  Our friendship is still pretty new, but it’s growing in ways I never thought possible.  It helps that she is a lot like me — also an introvert. This friendship gives me so much hope for the future.  It’s like God is slowly giving me what I’ve asked so wholeheartedly to have, and I can’t help but to be joyful in that.  

I don’t know what the future holds as far as a “tribe.”  

I can say with certainty that I will continue trying. And if you are also looking for a friend to do life with, don’t be scared to say hi.  Rumor has it, if you find your tribe, you should love them hard and never let them go.



  1. I also feel your pain! But it also sounds like you found your “tribe” in your husband too! Don’t forget who we chose to be our life partners can be that! I get needing The Whole same sex friendship thing, trust me I do! I too as a introvert struggle with the making of the friends. I’ve doing solice in that I have my one girl chat friend and my soul partner and they can pick up where each other left off.

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