Fall is my favorite season. It brings cooler weather, hot drinks to sip, beautiful changing colors, and warm cozy clothes. But fall also brings some crazy windstorms, shorter days, and busy schedules. I’ve learned that seasons bring good and bad and sometimes, in the midst of the bad, it’s hard to see the good.
I’m in a season of lonely right now and sometimes, in the midst of my lonely days, it’s hard to see the good.
The alarm clock sounds. It’s 5 am again. I roll out of bed, hit the bathroom, and throw on the leggings I had laid out on the dresser the night before. Half asleep, I tie my shoes, grab my phone and slip it into the arm band, hitting play. I pull the front door closed and take off down the street. Twenty-five minutes later, I’m back at the front door. The music stops and I make me way into the house to get the rest of the day started. It’s not even 6 am, and I’m heading down the hall and make sure my kids are up and moving. We pack lunches, make breakfast, and get backpacks ready to go. It’s not long before everyone is out the door for the day.
After a quick shower and cup of coffee, I’m off to work. I’m fortunate to work from home. Work consists of Zoom meetings and lots of emails and texts. My bathroom breaks often include a load of laundry or unloading the dishwasher. My lunch break includes a quick dog walk and running the vacuum. And my workday ends when the kids return home from school. That’s usually when things get busy.
One is off to volleyball practice while the other needs to get the gym for jiu jitsu. I drop them off and run a few errands while they practice. I pick up things for the next school project or a few items at the grocery store, so dinner is quick and easy tomorrow. We usually end up meeting back for dinner, helping with homework, and grabbing quick showers. Before I know it, it’s time for bed.
I slide into my bed shortly after and run through the to-do list for the next day. What errands will I run? What time is the volleyball game tomorrow night? Do I need to make an appointment to get the oil changed in my car? I fall asleep to sound of the pen in my head adding another small task to the list.
This season doesn’t leave much time for personal fun. It doesn’t leave much time for hanging out with friends or ladies’ night.
There is good though. This season allows me lots of time with my family in the car heading to practice or while working through homework together. I get to have lots of conversations with my kids about the things we see going on in the world around us. It gives me time to teach them important lessons like how to be a good friend, how to manage the conflicts they deal with, how to manage their time with school assignments, and how to cook a decent, but quick, meal on their own.
But, right now, I’m lonely. I’m in a season of lonely. It’s sometimes hard to see all these good things in the midst of my feelings of isolation. But I know this season won’t last forever. Just like Fall turns to Winter and Winter into Spring, I know that seasons change. So, while this season has brought some difficult times; difficult days of feeling alone, I’m focusing on the good and celebrating the family time this season is bringing. For I know when it’s gone, I will miss it. So, bring on the season of lonely.
