A Mother, An Activist? Joining the Women’s March

Motherhood, for me, has been the great dividing line of the “before” and the “after”. Before motherhood I had oodles of time on my hands to read, write, research, pursue, create, and let’s be honest, watch Netflix. After motherhood, I have had limited time to myself, except the hour between the kids going to bed and my bedtime, and the sacred nap time that I use to usually do laundry and, well, watch Netflix.

Sometimes I even get to go to the bathroom alone.

And then the Women’s March on Denver started to crop up on my radar and gain momentum, and my own mother and I started to research it more deeply. We wondered if we could make it work. The question became larger becoming one I have been asking myself ever since my first kid; can I be a mother and still find time to be my “before” self?

If you gain anything from reading this, it is that you read this word; modify. My endeavors before kids were a little more egocentric and self-seeking. Now, I find the events and beliefs I hold to be part of what I believe in, and who I am, are weeded out to just the few that I work hard to find time to pursue. This means that these things are likely more quality and researched by yours truly, and maybe that modification was needed all along. Perhaps you won’t find me in every march on Washington, but for the one I do plan on joining, it was one that I feel confident in attending.

As mothers, we often put ourselves to the side, hoping to one day revisit that woman we know so well. I hope to keep that ‘before’ part of me. And while she can no longer feasibly live out her days doing everything on a whim, I hope I have taken her with me into motherhood, however modified her whims have become. I believe that what truly counts is that she is still here, still wearing her independence loudly, still daring, still curling her arm in a show of strength. She gets to relay her strong beliefs, opinions, and stories to her children. She gets the privilege of not being silenced, but rather fostering seeds of confidence in her own children.

The world is changing so quickly that I am often seeking a moment of clarity among all the rush. Everyone has loud, boisterous opinions. Everyone stands for varying degrees of what they hold to be true. I believe the best gift I can give myself and my family is one where I can stand confidently in my whole self, all of me.

As for the Women’s March on Denver, it is with great confidence that I can commit to this personally very important event. It does not have to be something my own daughter has to feel passionately about, or one day agree with. However, I believe its imperative to show her and my young sons that their mother still finds time to stand behind something significant.