I’ve Become a Third Wheel to My Children

0

third wheelWhen I became pregnant with my second child, I dreamt about the relationship I wanted my kids to have.  After we learned our daughter would have a baby brother, I became worried they wouldn’t be as close as siblings of the same sex.  I know I am definitely closer to my sister than my three brothers. My children surprised me by becoming the best of friends!  However,  I never dreamt that I would become a third wheel to their daily antics.

Left Out Mom?

My kids are now seven and five.  My role is merely providing food and playing referee.  Occasionally, I provide raw materials.  They wake up with plans and I never know how they come up with their adventures.  Often, the game continues most of the day.  Most days, I feel like they would be okay if I made no attempt at planning fun activities and playdates for them.  My kids have told me on many occasions that I am interrupting.  I often find myself feeling a little left out.

1016671_10201630609789747_764579852_n

For example, this week they have been playing “Slimy Family Reunion.”  

My son often carries around a tiny shell from a lei that he found and named “Slimy.”  The shell turns up in the laundry often.  This reunion game started when they rediscovered a jar I had filled with that broken shell lei and placed on our craft shelves.  My kids, however, had different plans.  They quickly became engrossed in a world of their own.  The shells have visited dolls and stuffed animals in every room of the house.  My daughter put her doll on time out for repeatedly spilling the Slimy Family out of whatever “vehicle” they were riding in.  Yesterday I walked in to find they were “swimming” in an overturned LEGO lid.  

I can claim responsibility for next to none of this fun activity.

What I Wanted for My Children?

Wasn’t this relationship all that I wanted for them?  For my children to enjoy each other’s company and become best friends.  Looking back, I know how we got here.  Our kids have space to make messes and time to be bored together.  We have worked hard to teach them how to resolve their own conflicts and treat each other with kindness and respect.

When I find myself getting lonely, I just listen from the other room to see what they are playing.  Then, I think of something that could add to their game.  Sometimes it is bringing the wooden blocks from the playroom so they can build a house for their cast of characters.  Sometimes I bring them a picnic snack.  This especially came in handy when they were deep in the world of Yogi Bear.  On some days, I  sit in the room with them and read a book or work on a craft project.  Sometimes, I just sit back and enjoy my wonderful little people and their big imaginations!

At times, I feel like this approach to parenting feels lazy.  Shouldn’t my kids be my number one focus as a stay at home mom? It is these times when I need to remind myself that it is my job to give them the skills to be independent in the future and it starts by teaching them to entertain themselves.  Therefore, I will enjoy that new magazine to the sound of my children’s laughter.

1013044_10201630607109680_2117311752_n

Previous articleTwo Peas In a Tripod: A Hands-On Activity for Little Ones
Next articleStraight Talk: Communication Tips for Your Relationships
Kristal, Senior Writer
Kristal is a native of California, lived in Utah, and now lovingly calls Colorado Springs home. She grew up in a household with four younger siblings and graduated from University of California, Santa Cruz. She and her husband are raising their elementary school aged children in the Briargate area. With kids in school full time, Kristal is an active member of the PTA, and spends time working in local schools. She is passionate about connecting moms in our community. In her spare time, she enjoys long walks in the aisles of Target, dancing it out in Zumba classes, drinking copious amounts coffee, cooking dinner as a form of therapy, and last but certainly not least, spending time outdoors with her family.