I feel as if when I became a mother, I entered a whole new realm of life. It was a world of different parenting styles, various lifestyle choices, and some of the most opinionated people I never knew existed. How can the debate between Huggies, Pampers, and (gasp) generic brand diapers be so heated?!?
Every mother wants to do what is best for her child, making us all essentially on the same team. Unfortunately, some of the habits we have developed and some of the words we use lead us to believe otherwise. There are three things that mothers say on a daily basis, three things that prevent us from finding our harmony in motherhood.
1. I’m not judging her parenting at all, but…
The fact you included the word but indicates you are primed and ready to judge away. As difficult as it might be, resist that urge. What does judging someone else’s parenting do? Nothing constructive, that’s for sure. It hurts the person being judged, and while it might make the person judging feel better about herself, that feeling is fleeting. And don’t you think people who judge are somehow trying to mask their own insecurities? I know when I find myself judging another mom, that’s what I’m doing because I am just so stinkin’ scared I’m going to mess up in this parenting journey and somehow screw up my boys. We are all scared. And the judging doesn’t help.
2. I just don’t have time for friends.
I know how this feels, but don’t give up. Not too long ago, I felt overwhelmed by life and every role I play in it. Life seemed crazy, and I felt like I was failing as a employee, mom, wife, and friend, so naturally, I cut the item that seemed less essential, friend. I mean, it’s not as if I can just stop earning a paycheck, stop feeding my kids, or stop connecting with my husband, right? What I found out, though, was not making time for my personal relationships made all other areas of my life suffer. Women need to connect with other women; the need for close friendships is embedded into our DNA (I have a background in English, not biology, so don’t cite me on that.) All I know is that when I finish spending time with a friend, my soul feels connected and happy.
3. I’m fine, thanks. How are you?
Notice how this response includes a vague adjective and is immediately followed up with another question, almost as if to divert the attention elsewhere. Who else, besides me, is guilty of this exact thing? In the past month alone, I have given generic “I’m fine” answers to friends everywhere, fantastic friends with whom I should have been honest. Next time someone asks you how you are doing, take it as an opportunity. Take that seed of friendship, and use the conversation to start developing and cultivating deeper roots in your relationship. What are we afraid of? Sharing life (the good, bad, and ugly) is what separates us from all other species of animals. We are human. We are made to connect on a deeper level with our friends, families, and loved ones.
Words of Encouragement
A while ago, I received a lovely, handwritten note and Starbucks giftcard from my cousin in North Carolina (Hi Tammy!) In her note were encouraging words affirming that I’m doing a great job as a mom. I received the card on a particularily rough day, making that card so much more special to me. In fact, it’s currently pinned to a corkboard in my kitchen.
This week, I will pay it forward, and I invite you to join me. I have written two of my mom friends notes of admiration and encouragement, purchased two Kangaroo Coffee giftcards (Support local businesses!), and will put both cards in the mail after my morning coffee. Because what the world needs most at this very moment is less criticism and judgment (whether it be judging others or ourselves), and more encouragement, support, and harmony.
My challenge to you is this:
- Pick two friends whose day you’d love to make.
- Buy two $5.00 coffee giftcards
- Thoughtfully write personal notes to your two mama friends. Tell each of them what you admire about her. Sometimes we can’t see the greatness that lies within us and need to be reminded by those around us.
Megan, this is a wonderful blog post, and motherhood harmony is very needed indeed! Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts and pay it forward idea – going to get on it this week 🙂 Cheers and love, Sarah (from GB 🙂
I love this! Everything you write is so true and relatable! I will definitely be taking your challenge!
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