Five Christmas Wishes, From A Mama


CSMB Christmas Wishes
1. Epic potty-training powers.

My son just turned two and since I have another bundle of joy headed my way at the end of March, I would LOVE not to have to change two bum’s diapers. That means potty-training. I did say that I have a SON, who falls into the realm of boys and I’ve heard that when it comes to potty-training, they’re the harder gender. My puppy was already house-broken when we picked her up at 10 weeks, so I literally have no experience potty-training anything, much less anyone. Santa, I’m asking for you to use your Christmas magic and give me some epic potty-training powers. It doesn’t have to be a total accident-free experience, I understand, you’re just Santa. But even a little help would be a Christmas miracle.

2. Maternity clothes that are LEGIT but also, don’t cost more than my car.

I’ve done my research on maternity clothes. From looking at bloggers to searching through shops (online only… preggers on the couch!) and even wearing multiple brands and styles of pants. In my maternity repertoire, I have designer jeans, shorts from Old Navy, t-shirts from Target, leggings from H&M, Gap denim, and even non-maternity tops that still stretch over my growing belly. I will say this, there is a difference in the fit of maternity jeans when it comes to jeans that fall more into the designer category, than the ones at Target. But even in the designer maternity realm, they’re not perfect. It’s like all us preggers are just getting by on something that will actually fit on our pregnant bodies and occasionally stay up. Fashion designers, really? There’s nothing better you can do? I mean you all made us love the 80’s fashion again… Santa, help them out. And while you’re at it, make it so we won’t have to pay $200 for a pair of jeans that aren’t even that perfect fit. There’s no holiday cheer in that!

3. Miraculous snot-disappearer.

We all have our thing, and mine, is snot. Not like I like snot, but the exact opposite. I hate it! I would dig boogers out of my newborn’s nose because I HATE SNOT. Runny nose… NOPE. Can’t we all just wipe the noses? Yes, even if it’s every three minutes. So dear Santa, wherever I go, can you miraculously make all the snot just disappear. Please.

4. Non-alcohol wine and mimosas that taste like there’s alcohol in them.

I totally get that a tall glass of alcohol is not a doctor’s choice drink for pregnant women everywhere. And really, it’s not even in the realm of sacrifice to not partake for nine months. But I’m still gonna say it… my pregnant cravings sound like Pinot Noir, Chardonnay, a good Cab… Not to mention how is one suppose to drink OJ without champagne in it? Is that even a thing? And don’t even try to talk to me about “non-alcoholic wines”. Tasted it, and it taste nothing like the real thing. It’s like decaf coffee. We can ALL taste the difference. Dear Santa, I would like a non-alcoholic mimosa that taste just like the real thing, but minus that alcohol. That would be a Christmas miracle for all!

5. A smaller-sized grocery cart, with a car attached, that will actually contain the child and found in every single store.

The one day that my life changes forever was that fateful day when I gave in and let my child ride in the grocery cart with the car attached. Yes, it’s a double grocery cart and, yes, I have just one child (there’s a lady out there who will just lose it because I used a double cart for my one child), but it’s the only grocery cart with a car attached. Not my fault. But Santa, if you would just make a small grocery cart, with a car attached (that’s the important part!) that will contain my child – maybe smaller doors and windows, or put so many fake buttons and levers that child will never want to leave that magical place until we pull up next to our car where he’ll exit, without any fuss, because he had the perfect amount of play time in the car cart – if you could make this cart, and place it at every store ever, this mama would gladly sing Santa Baby all year round.