The other day, my husband got poop on his finger from our son’s diaper. It was the end. I just sat there, smiled, and said a thanks that, for once, it wasn’t my finger with poo on it. Because let’s face it, mom life is full of scenarios that involve things like poop and surprises! So, in case there is a mom out there with poop on her finger for the very first time, I’m sharing a few stories, all about mom life.
The Birthing Surprise
The midwife told me to try one push, just to get the hang of it. Immediately following that one push, I turned to my mom to ask her how long it would be until my son entered the world. When my mom told me until I pushed him out… I was surprised. (You can laugh. It’s a bit ridiculous.) Somewhere, there was disconnect in my brain when it came to birthing and having an epidural; I somehow thought my son would just show up. I had been too distracted by my husband’s deployment to care to attend a Lamaze class or read a birthing book. Because that’s all super fun stuff to do by yourself. I imagined, too, that I would have been exactly like Rachel on Friends, after she watched a birthing video. Yep, so there I was, totally surprised that I had to keep pushing in order to birth my son. #momlife
The Poo Story
I was at an appointment to sign my six month old son up for daycare on post, with my son in his infant car seat firmly attached to the stroller. He did great until about halfway through my appointment. I reached in to grab my son out of his car seat, but instead of touching the back of my sweet baby, my hand plunged into what I can only describe as an explosion of poop. At this point I should mention all of my diapers and wipes were left in the car. Did I mention there was an ungodly amount of poo all over the car seat and my child? I discretely (I hope) grabbed a tissue from the desk in front of me, and prayed he wouldn’t full-on meltdown until the meeting was over. And that no one would notice the poo smell coming from our direction.
When the meeting was finally done, I hurried to the door as fast as I could. To my luck, there was a torrential down-pour happening outside. You know what’s worse than a poop-filled car seat and poo-covered child? Runny, wet poo over literally everything from the stroller, to myself, to my child, to the sidewalk. If I had been thinking clearly, I would have stripped my child at the door and held him up like Rafiki did Simba as I walked slowly to the car so the rain could clean him right up. Instead, I was that new mom, elbow deep in runny poo. #momlife
My son has been in swimming classes (the infant survival swimming classes) for the past few weeks, and one of the things he’s not picking up super quickly is the part about blowing out instead of sucking water in. To teach kids the concept of blowing out, they used things like blowing bubbles, and making motor-boat noises with their lips just under water. Honestly, I’m so shocked that my child seems to not get this because when he was around nine-months old, he started this little game called spit my food at mama. And he was a ninja at it too; I never knew when it was coming. Until wham… I was covered in blueberry mush. These episodes even produced one of my most I can’t believe I said that moments that my husband still laughs about to this day.* So my child knows how to spit, or blow bubbles, or how to make motor-boat sounds with his lips—whatever you want to call it. He just won’t. Unless there’s food involved and it’s directed at mama. #momlife
*I’d tell you what I said, but this is about #momlife not #momconfessionsofwordsthatjusttumbledoutofmymouth