I’ve put off writing this post. It’s not that I didn’t want to write it, but I’ve been unsure where to start. My hope is to give a realistic picture of adoption in all its messy beautifulness, and give honesty to our story, while also protecting our kids hearts.
We are a family with four kids fully ours, fully family. Knit together by biology and adoption.
If I could sit with you over a cup of coffee, here is what I, as a mom who has walked the journey of adoption and is still navigating through parenthood, would tell you.
Every adoption journey is different. Every story includes loss, any way you slice it. Whether it’s an infant, a toddler, a teenager, there is great loss.
Every child is different with how they process this loss.
While there is great beauty in the journey of adoption, it is often much harder to uncover and to see than one may imagine. But when it’s uncovered, it is far more beautiful than the picture you may have in your head.
Should that scare you off from adopting? I hope not. But if you’re considering adopting, in the process, or know someone who is adopting, go in with eyes wide open.
Go into this journey knowing this is so very little about you. Know that it will seldom look like the picture you have in your head, that your emotions may not line up how you thought they would and theirs may not either. There is no timeline or direct path in grief or healing.
It’s like learning to dance for the first time. It may be far more painful, stretching and awkward than you realized, but if you keep at it, if you love deeply and don’t stop, eventually you will see the beauty.
I’m sure every parent has experienced a season of parenthood where the beauty is harder to see. How do you keep pressing forward knowing that eventually you will see it?