Let’s enter into taboo territory and talk about the joyous three letter word. I also want to discuss the differences between the sexes and how you can come together to create a fulfilling sex life.
Before I go into it all, let me first say I’m not Dr. Ruth and there is no judgement here. I simply want to offer encouragement to make sex a priority for your health and to greatly benefit your relationship.
I’ve Been There
There have been times in my marriage when sex was the furthest thing from my mind. I was tired. My little ones constantly needed something. I didn’t want anyone to breathe on me, let alone touch me. As mothers, we give copious amounts of time and energy to others. Giving even more can seem overwhelming and exhausting.
But ladies, I want to encourage you to look at sex as a gift and not as a chore.
Sex is Beneficial for Your Health
Did you know that there are numerous health benefits to having regular sex? Me, neither! Oh, the wonderful things you learn when you’re doing “research” for a blog post. 😉
Sex is a beneficial form of exercise. You can even incorporate some yoga if you choose! It’s wonderful for your heart health, may reduce both partners’ cancer risks, boost your immunity, and strengthen your pelvic floor muscles. If these reasons are not enough incentive to get it on, there are more.
Having sex may help with depression and anxiety. Research suggests that couples who engage in sex regularly look 10 years younger than those who don’t. That is one happy way to cheat the hands of time. Much better than slathering on face cream.
And sex is one of the most important and meaningful ways to connect with your partner.
In our society, men have a reputation: they only want one thing and simply crave the physical act.
However, the truth is that many men need sex to feel love and closeness, too. It can help them connect to their deeper emotions. Sex affirms their sense of self-esteem and their masculinity. This is why if their partner routinely rejects their sexual advances, it makes them feel unwanted and unloved.
He wants his partner to desire him and he wants to know that he satisfies her sexual needs.
The issue is that women often are the opposite. They need to first feel loved before they want to have sex.
If a woman does not feel safe, secure, appreciated, and cared for by her partner, she will not desire sex with him. This can lead to a stand off in the bedroom. He may think she is rejecting him and doesn’t want him. Meanwhile, she is feeling distant from him for completely different reasons.
Why Communication is Crucial
To stay connected and to avoid this stand off, it’s important to be open about our feelings and our needs. There is a better way to handle it than saying, “I have a headache” or “I’m just not in the mood” or thinking, “Let’s get this over with.”
We need to be brave enough to tell our partners what we need.
If we need to feel romanced with more date nights to turn on our desire, we need to relay that. When we want more non-sexual touching and more of his uninterrupted time, we need to tell him that, too. Feeling resentful that we are performing the majority of the homemaking and the child rearing responsibilities? Ask for more help. Our partners’ responsibility is to listen to what we want and need and then make an effort to meet those needs and wants.
Talking openly to each other is the only way to heal any rifts in the relationship. Otherwise, a small crack could become a giant canyon that is almost impossible to reach across.
Stop Worrying About How You Look
Sometimes a hurdle to women’s enjoyment of sex is their perception of their attractiveness.
Numerous studies have concluded that during the act of love making your partner is not focused on your perceived flaws. He thinks that you are beautiful and wants you to be in the moment with him, enjoying the special connection you are sharing.
Ways Women Can Increase Their Desire
There are numerous other ways that you can balance your hormones so that you desire sex more often.
Here are some fascinating things I learned from the book Beyond Mars and Venus by John Gray, a modern version of the old classic.
- Reduce your stress level. When a woman is overwhelmed, concluding that she must do it all, there is little time and energy remaining. Stress increases her cortisol and testosterone levels which decreases her feminine feelings of love, receptivity and vulnerability.
- Enjoy activities that increase your oxytocin level. Oxytocin lowers a woman’s testosterone levels and cortisol levels, and increases her estrogen levels.These activities include pampering yourself, receiving help, spending time with friends and non-sexual touching.
- Ask your partner to listen to you without judging, interrupting or giving advice. During this time do not complain about your partner, but share your life stresses. Women often need to talk about their problems to feel connected and understood. Actively listening is one of the best things a man can do for his partner.
I hope that this post has encouraged you to think about your sexual needs and desires and to make them a priority. Your body, your mind, and your relationship will benefit from it!