What to do when everything is changing…
Change is good. Change is bad. Change is inevitable… Yada…yada…yada…blah…blah..blah…
Right now, I am taking my first breath of fresh air from my ugly and I mean a really ugly cry over a bad brow job and being forced to quit a gym over childcare issues (that is a blog for another day… but follow your gut mamas). Of course, I am not really crying over the gym and brows… well… maybe… a little bit. My tears are really the manifestation of the bittersweet fact that I am NOT in control and there is not a darn thing I can do about it.
My whole life is up in the air. I am transitioning from being a stay-at-home (working) mom to a single working mother. I am selling my house, job hunting, house hunting, and school hunting. It is hard to not be in control. It is really hard to wait and to wait on others… Especially, when you just want to knooooow (insert obnoxious whine here or perhaps a glass of wine.) I cannot control other people. I cannot control when/if and how much my house will sell for, or if I will get that interview. Right now, I can honestly say I have no idea what city I will be living in in the next 90 days. And of course, the timing of everything has to be just perfect… Are great brows too much to ask for right now?
Any kind of change comes with growing pains, but how we cope teaches our children how to cope when they too face the bittersweetness of an ever transitioning glorious life. Your coping mechanisms will become their coping mechanisms. In this moment, I am seeing in the mirror of my littles faces that I have not been coping as well as I should. They are negative because I have been negative. They are afraid because I have been afraid. This is not okay #mommyfail.
How can we help our little loves when life gets rocky and messy?
Addictive behaviors: 20 years down the line, do you want your child to run to food, alcohol, T.V., or another vice when life gets hard? If this is how you cope, this is how you are teaching your child to cope. It may also be how you learned to cope. Break the cycle. If you cannot do it on your own, ask for help.
- Let them see how you cope in a positive way: Prayer, counsel, journal, bath, run, read, hike, coffee talks with good friends, gym, eating healthier, problem solving, etc. (Please list below any positive coping mechanisms that you use below )
- Get out of bed, get dressed and make breakfast: Are you sick or are you sad? I like to sleep away my problems, but they are always still there when I wake up. When you don’t get out of bed, when you are sad and depressed, you are transferring that worry, depression and fear into your children’s’ hearts; these are big feelings for children to go through…
- Name those feelings. Talk about those feelings but DO NOT transfer those feelings: not every change is good or easy, and not every new exciting adventure is all sunshine and rainbows. It is important that we address the issues and the big feelings to create the safe environment, and provide the platform for our children to do the same. Please remember though, no matter how mature your child is, they should never take on the problems. Let kids be kids.
- Stay positive and stay kind: Don’t lose your hope and faith that things will be okay. Even if everything is different it doesn’t mean it won’t be (eventually) good or even great.
- Reassure: reassure, reassure, reassure your babies. They need it, regardless if they are 18 months or 18 years old. I’m 33 and I still need to be reassured.
Honestly, I am excited for our new adventure but being in transition is hard. It is even more difficult knowing that it is all on me, and it is my responsibility to not only make the “right” choice, but to protect my children’s hearts in the process.
Please know that it is okay to have everything up in the air. It is a part of life sometimes. When people ask you, “What are you going to do?” it is quite alright to respond with, “I don’t know,” and to mean it. You don’t have to have an answer for every problem or for every person.
If you are going through a big life change… My only advice is to hold on and have faith that things will work out. Feel your emotions but don’t live in them, and finally know that this is just a season. Life will always be life, and the only thing worse than a life in transition is one that never is. Good luck, and if you need to ugly cry- be all in (ruin that mascara girl.)You are not crazy for sobbing over something that seems trivial. One step at a time.