Sometimes, my son baffles me. I think we all feel that way about our kids, sometimes. He works so differently than I do, and sometimes I am not sure how to best relate to him, interact with him or and show him how much I love him. As parents, we always love our kids—even on the hardest days. And we want our children to know that they are loved.
How do we best show our kids love?
Love is best felt in the action of our doing something. After all, love is a verb. Not every person feels and experiences love in the same way. Each of us have our own unique love language. This is the language in which we can best receive and experience love.
You’ve probably heard of bestselling book The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. The book is often recommended to married couples. But love is so much bigger than marriage! Chapman published a version of his book that focuses on children. Reading it was so insightful for me, and helped me to better love my son.
The Love Languages, Briefly
Physical Touch
My son absolutely feels loved best when he is touched. He relies on frequent hugs and kisses to know that he is valued. Kids who have this as their primary love language often enjoy sitting close while watching a movie, holding hands, giving and receiving hugs, high fives and back pats, and even physical sports like football and wrestling.
Acts of Service
Ever make a special meal for someone because you know it is their favorite? That’s an act of service. Each time we love though our “doing something a little special” actions, the recipient feels extra special and knows we treasure them.
Quality Time
Spending time together engaging in the same activity is like sweet love songs to some people, myself included. When people want to spend time with me, it shows that they value our relationship and value me as an individual. If they plan the event or activity for us, I feel even more special. These activities don’t have to be expensive or even exciting. A mundane trip to the grocery store can be fun when you’re with your best people!
Words of Affirmation
The words we say to each other matter. And for some people, they matter a lot. Hearing that you are good at something, completed a project well, made a smart choice, and are highly loved makes a big impact. Be sincere when you offer words of affirmation and encouragement.
Receiving Gifts
Some people experience love best when they are given gifts. These are not always expensive, store-bought things, but can be free, simple things like a dandelion bloom, a hand-drawn picture or a cool rock. Gifts show that the giver was thinking about the receiver when they were absent from each other.
Loving Well
We each can experience love in all of these five ways, but one or two will be your most favorite. For my son, his love languages are physical touch and gifts. For me, it’s quality time. Since we know this about each other, we can make a conscious choice to show love in that way.
When my son is having a bad day or a difficult time with something, it does wonders for him to just put my arm around his shoulder and sit next to him. The reassuring touch grounds him and reminds him that he is important and supported. When my son wants to spend the day with me on my birthday, it reminds me that he loves me so much and that he values our relationship.
Knowing the love languages of everyone in your family can help you love them well, even on the hardest days. Knowledge is power, people! You can find a free love language test here that you can share with your kids. Everyone in my house took this test, and we shared our top two love languages with each other. It was an awesome way to be a little bit vulnerable, and share important information about who we each are as individuals.
