In June of this year, I did a big thing. I quit my full-time, outside-of-home job. I knew being a stay-at-home mom would be a big change for me, but the changes were definitely not what I expected.
I thought quite a few things would be easier if I were at home. And that was true. But for each one of those things, another became harder. So many high expectations for being a stay-at-home mom… So many realities hit quickly.
Here’s how expectation differed from reality:
EXPECTATION
I will have more time to go out and be a part of activities that happen around town that I missed when working full-time.
REALITY
When working full-time, I would see events advertised on Facebook or invites to a group playdate. I’d decline the event in frustration thinking, “I’d go if I didn’t have to be at work!” Well, as it turns out, I don’t go even when I don’t have to be at work. I’m a bit more of a homebody than I realized until staying home full-time. I like easy. If an event seems like it’s going to take quite a bit of preparation (i.e. be difficult to get out the door on time because I’m not very good at planning ahead), I opt for staying at home.
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EXPECTATION
My house will be cleaner.
REALITY
I was surprised to find out that I am cleaning more than when I was working, but my house seems dirtier. My girls and I are staying home most of the day at least five days a week. We are (they are) dirtying more dishes, making more stains on the rugs and couch, bringing out more toys, and the dog seems to be shedding an extra amount. In addition, I found out that no matter if I’m working outside the home or staying at home, I still hate cleaning. I’m comfortable living in a house that is just-fine-clean and not spotless-clean, until someone new comes to visit.
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EXPECTATION
I will be able to go out with friends on my own with little (or no!) mom guilt.
REALITY
I really assumed leaving my girls would be easier when I needed to because we would have already spent so much time together. Why would they be disappointed if I left for a few hours? When I would leave for a night of Bunco after working a full-time job that week, it made sense that my girls were a little disappointed when I left. I was surprised to find that my girls were disappointed when I left for my Bunco night STILL, even after spending the whole week with me. The more time I spend with someone, the more accustomed I get to their company. When I get accustomed to their company, their absence feels more like a hole. I think my girls might be the same way. My girls likely will be disappointed whenever I leave, as long as they are used to me being around them.
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EXPECTATION
Those projects that I haven’t gotten to for so long will finally get done.
REALITY
It turns out, I didn’t want to finish those projects. And I still don’t want to. Interior painting just isn’t on the top of my list of favorite things to do. I can now allow myself to easily get distracted with all the things. There are so many distractions. Child has a bloody nose, child hit her head, child crashed her bike (… I have an accident prone child). My girls still need just enough supervision that makes it difficult to focus completely on a project when I really don’t want to be doing it in the first place.
Stay-at-Home Mom vs. Working-Outside-the-Home Mom
I found that for me, neither staying at home with my girls nor working out of the home full-time was easier. The jobs were just different. Some challenges are different and some challenges that are exactly the same. I was mom-ing as a full-time outside-of-the home job and I’m mom-ing as a stay-at-home mom.