Three Tips to Preventing the Confidence Nosedive



Sometimes, my self-confidence takes a nosedive. I can’t ever pinpoint exactly why it happens, but suddenly… I think my voice sounds like a dude and my rear seems like it’s the size of a couple of large watermelons. Not the cute round watermelons, but rather the oblong giant watermelons that make you wonder how long they’ve been growing. I’m not an extremely feminine girl, but when my self-confidence plummets, all I see when I look in the mirror is a twelve year old boy. I talk too much. I talk out of turn. I say things that make people squint their eyes at me and cock their head, attempting to understand what I meant. It could be that none of these things are true about myself, but low confidence has a way of distorting reality. So yes, sometimes I have confidence issues. I’m almost positive that we all do at some point. Though each of us, I’m sure, have different concerns about ourselves- it all boils down to confidence in yourself.

When I start to feel myself falling into a rut with my self-confidence, I try to follow these helpful tips. My mother, my friends, and my husband over the years have given me great advice to keep my confidence up. I still find myself falling into my rut but the key is to catch myself. These tips have helped me so much!

  1. One Negative Asks For a Few Positives. If I think something negative about someone, I must then think of something positive about that person. When I am in the trenches with my confidence, I find that I am also a little more judgy of others. It’s embarrassing to admit, but it’s true. I will see a woman and think, “Oh man, her arms are so fat.” Mean. Really mean of me, I know! A little voice in my head will follow up with, “Yes, but she has strengths in other areas.” Maybe that person has beautiful, shiny and healthy hair. Maybe that person has a beautiful, kind voice. The important point that I have to remember is that everyone is not perfect, but no one is a complete failure either. Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses, in personality and in appearances. This brings me to my next tip that I try to follow…
  2. One Negative Asks For a Few Positives, Even For Yourself. Same as above, but apply it to yourself as well. It reminds me that yes, I am not perfect. But, I am certainly not completely flawed. This is so important; but I think it is even more important for the little ears that listen. Driving in the car with my family, I said to my husband (in my self-confidence rut) “Ugh, I just feel like I look like a boy!” and my sweet little seven year old piped up in the back seat and said, “A boy?! Why do you think that?” I didn’t mean for her to hear. How many other things had she heard?! My little girl may have never even thought about it being a negative thing if she looked like a boy. But now that I voiced my concern for my own looks, I may have planted the seed for her to be self-conscious of her own.
  3. Two Choices. If I am uncomfortable with something about myself, I can either change it or accept it. Complaining or voicing my confidence issues multiple times does not help anything. There are times that I will feel like I dominate in group conversations and I leave feeling like I annoyed everyone. I can accept this, or I can fix it by becoming a better listener (I’m trying, really!). There are somethings, of course, that you just can’t change. After giving birth to my two babies, my body changed it’s shape a bit. My feet grew by a half size. What?! So strange. My hips grew. I got back down to the weight I was at before kiddos, but still, my hips stayed wide. I guess it’s understandable. I did carry two children inside my body for almost eighteen months (not consecutively!), so I suppose my body changed to accommodate the weight it carried. This explanation, which could be completely wrong, helps me accept my large hips. If I start to feel negative about an unchangeable thing about me, I repeat tip number 2.

I know that in my house, my confidence spills down to my little ladies. My little ladies look to me more often than I realize to see how I’m acting, and they file that action away for the time that they are faced in a similar situation. This reminder really helps me keep my mouth in check when I feel the urge to voice my whines about my rear, my voice, or whatever it may be.

Any other tips? I’m sure you have great tips to keep your confidence up. You all always have such great ideas, and I would love to hear them!

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Amber was born and raised in the beautiful state of Colorado. She grew up in Rockrimmon until she was 9, when her family moved to the eastern plains of Colorado until she was 17. At 17, Amber came back to Colorado Springs and stayed put. She married her favorite guy in 2008 and settled on the east side of Colorado Springs. Amber is mother to two sweet, rambunctious girls. Amber’s two girls share her love of being outdoors, comic books, and Harry Potter. Amber enjoys reading to her girls (and to herself), listening to and telling life stories with friends, and getting outside to enjoy our beautiful state.