The holidays are upon us, and for some of us, it’s that one time of year that we get to see certain family members. Usually, I am filled with excitement to see family again. This year however, there is a damper on my excitement, because I know what everyone is going to be thinking. “Wow. She’s gained A LOT of weight this year.”
Sighs… It’s true. The scale doesn’t lie. Although, sometimes I wish it would. I set out with the goal this year of losing all of my baby weight plus more, and impressing everyone with my amazing weight loss. I had actually almost done it by early summer but unfortunately, those pounds did not stay gone. Not one of them.
It’s been a tough year. My son was diagnosed with autism, and we’ve gone one more year failing to wean him off his feeding tube. My daughter turned one and is always into EVERYTHING! I tried taking her to the gym with me, but she’s going through that mommy withdrawal stage, and when I drop her off at the childcare she just cries and cries.
I’m sleep deprived because I’m usually up several times a night. Every night. My son usually wakes up screaming from his dreams, and my daughter after finally sleeping through the night, went through a 3 month stage of waking up every night as well. He goes back to sleep right away, but she… it takes usually at least an hour, sometimes two to settle her back down.
We attend numerous different therapies and doctor’s appointments. My son started Kindergarten this year. My husband changed jobs. Albeit for the better. But it’s been STRESSFUL!
Even though I know I should be leaning on my faith for comfort and support, I admit that my natural tendency is to turn to food for comfort. And it’s not celery sticks and bowls of quinoa that I go running to.
My other downfall is that most of the fast, easiest food to prepare isn’t on the list of “light fares.” By the time I get to dinner at the end of the day, I don’t want to cook anything. Even if I did want to cook, I usually don’t have the energy reserves left to do it. So I take the easy way out. Frozen pizza, take out, freezer meals. Whatever I can muster up in 30 minutes or less that involves minimal clean up.
The result for my body was weight gain. I was feeling horrible that none of my clothes were fitting and I realized that I just wasn’t going to be able to lose enough before the holidays in order to fit back into them. I resigned myself to reality, and for the first time in my life I went shopping for some new clothes and most of my purchases bore the dreaded XL on the tag.
But now, I can play with and care for my children in clothes that I’m not constantly uncomfortable in. Yes, I gained weight. No, it’s not what I wanted, and yes, I do plan to reverse the increasing number trend on the scale. I’ve done it before, I will do it again. Losing weight takes will power, power I just did not have enough of this year.
But know this. Gaining weight doesn’t make me less of a person, or a bad mother, or a failure (even though it sometimes feels that way). It makes me human! And that goes for you too. Perhaps you have the opposite problem. You have a small frame and have lost weight despite your family’s desire for you to stuff your face with burgers. The same applies to you. Mamas, don’t ever think you have to prove anything to anyone else. Sometimes we have tough years, but we always pull through. So if you are dreading showing yourself to family and friends, don’t. People are going to think what they are going to think. Just know when God looks at you, He sees just what you see when you look at your own children, no matter what. Perfection.