In approximately one hundred days I will walk to school with my two babies like I’ve done for the last two years. Except this time it will be different. I will walk home alone. My kids are school aged now… and I am both excited and terrified at this reality.
On the one hand, I am eager for the bit of freedom this will bring me. I can clean the house while singing along to the uncensored music of my choice and without a “helpful” tornado following close behind. I can drink coffee before it is ice cold or spilled on my lap by an overactive preschooler. My trips to target will be without the requisite meltdown in the dollar spot. But I know I will miss all of those things! The house will feel empty and the scariest part for me is finding my next chapter.
Before I had kids, I worked with them. I ran summer camps and after school programs. While I loved working in those fields, I don’t see them as a viable option now that I have kids in school. I want to be home when they are out of school. They have been my favorite “job.” I feel like part of why it is so hard for me to envision the future is because I love the present so much. I am in no hurry to say goodbye. Being a mom has defined me for seven years now. My kids are my greatest accomplishment and I am so fulfilled by my life with them.
My husband asks me often what I want to do next. He pushes for me to go back to school and get another degree. When we first met in college I had planned to go into teaching. At the time, the teaching field was crowded and that led me to find my calling elsewhere. Having the same schedule as my kids is appealing and that may be my decision in the end. In the meantime, I need to find a way to get over this paralyzing fear that has consumed me.
How do I find something I love as much as I love my kids?
And how do I shift my focus from my children and their day-to- day needs? I know I am not the first or last to grapple with this stage of motherhood- and it is other moms and their wisdom and support that will get me to that next chapter.
So, tell me – When all your children finally entered into school, what was your next step? Did you go back to work? Pick up a new hobby? Re-enroll into school? Tell me below. Share your wisdom!
Oh! I feel you! This is so poignant! 🙂 It is such a huge transition! I think that after I shed a few tears, I knew that we were all ready for the change, sort of like that 9th month of pregnancy, you know? I did go back to work part time, but even though they are in school all day now, I still feel like there is so much to do and catch up on! And I have had time to volunteer in their classes – that I would not trade for anything.
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