The Divorce Journey — Words You Need to Hear on the Hard Days

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The divorce journey is a process.  With some days that are just very very hard.  The days when the self-doubt is high and the tears are easy.  On those days you need your support system.  But at the same time, it’s hard to open up and expose all of the self-doubt to even those closest to us.  It’s hard to expose those raw,  hurting emotions.  So here are the words you need to hear on the hard days.  Screenshot this.  Print it out and tape it to your bathroom mirror.  Do whatever you need to so that you can hear these words when you need them.
I initially wrote this as a comment in one of my support groups to a woman who was feeling all of it.  It was a response to where she was at that day.  But after I wrote it, I realized that we ALL have days when we need to hear these words.  We need the uplift.
There will be days when the best you manage is to hear them in a whisper.  As you grow stronger, you will hear them stronger, you will feel them stronger.  Until the day comes that you can say them strong and powerfully — to the others who need to hear them. And if you aren’t going through a divorce journey, but know someone who is — keep these words close by.  This is what she needs to hear — what she needs to be reminded of.  Be THIS voice in her ear.

1. FORGET HIM

My ex dragged out the divorce. Blamed me for it. Destroyed me financially. Played the victim. Everyone who doesn’t know me buys his fiction. He cheated on me for years. Then, two months after the divorce was finalized, he posted on Facebook about his new relationship. How happy and perfect they are. Blah, blah, blah, gag me.
You know what? I don’t care. I’m so much happier without dealing with his baloney. I do what I want. I don’t have to get his permission anymore. Or worry about what he thinks or if he’s going to explode. So, from the bottom of my heart: forget him.
Go be happy.
Live YOUR life the way YOU want on YOUR terms.
Don’t give him any more power over you.

2. You are NOT ugly and you are NOT undesirable.

Your self-esteem has taken a hit. But you WILL recover.
Girl, you are BEAUTIFUL!!
For right now, you do for yourself whatever makes YOU feel beautiful. Right now, you can’t see what the rest of us do — but the day will come. You will look in the mirror and know you’ve got it goin’ on. Trust me.
Trust us. We’ve got you.

3. He did not destroy your soul.

It’s hurting. But it’s not destroyed. You just need time to heal and recover.

His love does not define you. YOU define you. Your value and your worth have NOTHING to do with him. NOTHING.

4. You can’t control what others think or believe.

Those that are important to you will listen and hear your side of it. And if they don’t… then they shouldn’t be important to you.
LET IT GO.
Hold your head high.
You know your story.
Hold close the people that support you, encourage you, value you, treat you well. Let the rest GO. They don’t add to your life, they only tear you down. So let them go.

I have been where you are.

You can do this. You’ll make it. You will survive. Pick your chin up, hold your head high.
You are a QUEEN.
Adjust your crown and walk on. And when you have doubts about your divorce journey, check back in. We will remind you.
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Once Upon A Time, in another life, Kristin graduated from the University of Michigan with a plan to teach high school math. But then, life happened when she wasn’t looking…. She married an Army guy and 23 years, 3 kids, a few dogs, 7 homes, and 2 continents later she’s now a single mom living here in Colorado Springs. Along the way she volunteered for the Army, Girl Scouts, Boy Scouts, and several schools; managed volunteer organizations, coached judo, trained to be a whitewater rafting guide, biked down Pike’s Peak and even managed to teach some high schoolers a little math before forging new trails writing, teaching and financial planning. She never knows what’s coming around the bend, but she’s learned to handle whatever life (and the Army!), throws at her with a smile and a laugh. She’s pretty sure you can get through anything with those, even if you have to fake it occasionally!!