Help for Mothers Who Struggle with Mommy Anger


Hi. I’m Evelyn, and I struggle with Mommy Anger.

Yes, it’s a real thing and I’m not alone. A great many, great mothers out there wrestle with getting angry at their children, too. Mommy Anger is not a thing to be dismissed. It is a unique flavor of fury reserved for overwhelmed, overtired, over worried and overworked mamas.

Also, it. sucks.

The hardest part about Mommy Anger is that I’ve never been an angry person at all. So I have very little experience with positively disarming the intensity of anger which motherhood delivered. Somehow the combination of little sleep, constant demands placed on me, and my own propensity toward selfishness created this volatile woman who resorts to yelling and frustration way more than I’d like to admit.

Love and Fury

I love my children deeply and fiercely. They are cute, intelligent, amazing individuals created lovingly by God. And they deserve a mama who treats them with the same respect with which she believes they were designed.

I wonder if anyone else out there might be struggling with being kind to their offspring in moments of anger, too? If that’s you, Mama, hear me: It doesn’t have to be this way.

We can mother with grace and soft voices and hands.

We can gently lead and direct without throwing adult tantrums.

And we should strive to hold ourselves to a higher standard, knowing that the little ones under our care will emulate the behavior they see us resorting to.

I’m working through getting my own triggers and responses under control with much prayer, many apologies and some helpful books. Here are five resources that have been particularly helpful to me in caging the mama rage.

Help for Mothers Who Struggle with Mommy Anger:

  • She’s Gonna Blow by Julie Ann Barnhill. This book is an excellent, comprehensive read on mommy “volcanoes” and how to gain control.
  • The Orange Rhino Challenge. I haven’t read the book, but this blog and its associated challenge to Yell Less, Love More is a super resource.
  • When Anger Hurts Your Kids.  This book is more research-based and definitely not a fun read, but it includes a good system for tracking and discovering triggers.
  • How to Really Love Your Child by Ross Campbell. I slipped this book into the list even though it technically isn’t a book on anger at all. This is one of my all-time favorite parenting books (it’s so basic and so good). It includes a chapter that deals with anger and lists the “anger ladder,” which has been helpful in dealing with my kids’ emotional outbursts.
  • Triggers: Exchanging Parents’ Angry Reactions for Gentle Biblical Responses. I haven’t actually read this book yet, but it’s next on my list. 🙂 If you’ve read it, comment below and let us know what you thought!

I hope these resources encourage someone out there who might also be wondering how she can get so angry at the children she loves so much.

Mommying is hard. It’s tough to keep showing up and doing our best day after day, but that’s the beauty of each morning, which brings fresh grace and new opportunities to do it better.

Let’s do it better.


  1. Thank you for writing this! I’ve been struggling with my anger slowly getting worse over the past couple years. I’ve managed to reign it in some, but don’t know how to make it any better. I will be going to the library and Amazon TODAY to check out the books you’ve recommended!

    • Hi Jenny, so glad to hear that you’ll be looking into the resources. It’s funny– my anger slowly creeped up over the years too. We can overcome it! You’re a great momma.

  2. Great blog post…very timely, as in I just blew up at my three-year-old, and it was ugly. I never knew I struggled with anger until I had kids. I am a work in progress, and I am going to look into those resources you provided. Thanks for being real!

  3. Hey Lyndsey, right there with you! I’ll pray you give yourself the grace to move on and move up. We’re all works in progress! You’re a great momma. … also, three is a HARD age!! Gah. 😉

  4. I’ve struggled with this a lot since having my third six months ago. Thanks for your willingness to share and for the resources. I’m relieved to know I’m not alone.

  5. Thanks Evelyn,

    My anger came on when my daughter was two. I thought it was because my husband was gone on a business trip and I was just over stressed with being mom, career woman, and student… but my anger continued after he came home. I understand it as extreme irritability. I have learned to reign it in through prayer, deep breaths, and coffee, but I want a long term solution to put my heart and mind at peace. I have always felt alone and unable to discuss this with anyone accept my husband. I hope that these resources help me be open to the idea that sharing my struggles is a strength and that I am not alone in this discomfort.


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