Oh, newlyweds… That bridal glow! That unmistakable bliss! The happiness that makes people gag! That was all there for my husband and me. But our first year of marriage also was covered with a thick, black blanket of despair. My husband carried the burden of my freshly dealing with childhood abuse. He carried it alone, with no expectations from me.
He carried 100 percent of our marriage, while I:
- Screamed!
- Cried uncontrollably!
- Said hateful words to him that were meant for another.
- Cut myself.
- Threatened suicide.
I know, it was ugly! Yet, my husband handled it all with grace and love. He put aside his needs and carried the marriage on his shoulders alone as I healed from the unimaginable.
A lot has changed since then. I am a different person now—time has passed and my wounds have healed.
But recently, we found ourselves under that black, heavy blanket again. This time, it lay thick over my husband. And this time, I know it’s my turn to carry 100 percent of the marriage on my shoulders.
His job has been stressful.
He has too much on his plate.
Words and circumstances have broken him down.
He is squeezed tight and spread thin.
People like to say that marriage is 50/50. That has not been my experience. There are seasons where one spouse is STRONGER, HEALTHIER, MORE ABLE. Seasons when one spouse can and needs to give more.
So, for this season, I will carry more of the household responsibilities. I will:
- Give more grace as he hurts.
- Shrug off the words that hurt, knowing he’s hurting.
- Make our home a place of peace and rest.
- Allow him to seek deep in this season
I won’t walk away because things are hard.
For now, I will be stronger, more sacrificial and more loving while my husband needs it. I will carry our marriage. I will carry it alone. Isn’t that what marriage is meant to be after all? Sacrificial. Selfless. Laying yourself aside to truly love another.
I will give 100 percent while my spouse can give little because I know there WILL be a time soon I will need him to do the same.
Yes, for now, I will carry it all.
Yes, I get this! Though I’m so very thankful for God’s grace which carries us through these difficult times and provides the Body to help us along the way.
You’re a very good person, full of love. Love for your family, friends, those around you whose names you don’t know, and yourself.
Cascia this is so beautiful! I think it is so important to know that marriage is hard. I had no idea what marriage would be like. My husband and I have highs and we have lows but we always have each other in our lows. I love the concept of pulling each other along in marriage it is a beautiful thing. I have always loved your perspective on life!
Thank you Mikki! Yes pulling each other along is so beautiful! So hard but beautiful! Miss you friend!
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