I almost let Facebook get between my husband and me.
In fact, if I’m being completely honest, I did. I allowed a small but devastating wedge to form between the two of us, all thanks to this overwhelming, all-consuming, omnipresent beast. Something that was meant to bring people together was tearing us apart.
And I don’t think I realized just how vast an impact it was making on my heart and how I viewed my husband. Or maybe how he viewed me. Or maybe how I perceived he viewed me. Or, actually, how I perceived others perceived he viewed me. (You still with me?)
Blurring the Lines Between Facebook and Reality
My husband just isn’t into social media. He has a Facebook account, but he’s never on it. He recently got an Instagram, but I think he’s checked it maybe twice. Because I told him to.
It just isn’t his thing. And, in all honesty, I admire that about him. I’m convinced it isn’t all its cracked up to be, but I continue to use it like it is. But he—he’s aware that it’s nothing special. He’s aware that genuine relationships, investing in the people around him, is what life’s truly about. He’s aware that loving others well starts face-to-face, not screen-to-screen.
But I have a hard time accepting that. It’s difficult for me to separate the two, to be okay with the fact that while my husband loves me well—so well—in our private life, he doesn’t do it so well in our public lives, the ones displayed for all to see.
So as I sat staring at my Facebook news feed, scrolling through husband after husband gushing over his wife for her birthday, their anniversary, or just because—my blood began to boil. My cheeks became flushed. My heart started to beat a little faster.
These husbands? Clearly they loved their wives. No denying it. It was right there, plastered across social media for the world to see. Yet my husband, the one who I thought absolutely adored me—where were his posts? Where was the outpouring of his heart? Were we even Facebook friends? (We totally are. I’m 99% sure.)
He Loves Me,
He Loves Me Not
But, all along, my husband was actually loving me better than I could’ve ever asked for. Because instead of a gushing Facebook post on my birthday, he’d surprised me by getting my car windows tinted, something he knew I’d been wanting but would never ask for. And instead of a gushing Facebook post for our anniversary, he’d left me a handwritten card on the kitchen table, complete with a stick figure drawing of us together, hand-in-hand.
No matter whether my husband posted about our love on social media or not, I knew—deep down—that he did. With all his heart. So why was I so distraught that he didn’t shout it from the mountaintops, for everyone to hear?
And that’s when it hit me. I wasn’t concerned about our love at all. Our love is solid. And goofy. And awesome. And perfectly imperfect.
What had me in an absolute tizzy, what was driving me a bit insane, was everyone else. I had taken a love that was meant for my husband and me and made it about my husband, me, and the world. I was so worried that everyone on social media—who clearly, in my rational mind, had nothing better to do with their time than to question our marriage—would think that I was some woman madly in love with a man who didn’t feel the same way. And that was embarrassing.
Don’t Fall Prey
So maybe your husband is the one who gushes. If so, congratulations. That’s beautiful. And I pray that he means every word of the outpouring of his heart of social media.
But maybe he’s more like mine. Maybe he doesn’t care all that much about this whole Facebook thing, maybe he doesn’t quite have a way with words, and maybe he doesn’t let the whole world know what a catch you are. I beg of you, if that’s him: don’t fall prey. Don’t fall prey to the lies, to this trap that is social media. Don’t allow everyone out there, the rest of the world, to determine your happiness. Don’t allow their perceptions to creep in.
Your marriage isn’t about everyone else. It’s a covenant between God, your husband, and you. That’s it. So stop inviting your social media “friends” to have a say in how you view your private life.
Because maybe, at times, it feels like he’s keeping your love a little too close to his heart—but isn’t that what you’re supposed to do with something you treasure?
Oh man I could have written this, my husband brings me flowers just because, takes me out on dates, helps out with kids all while working a lot, but he is not into social media so I never get those gushy loving Facebook posts on bdays and anniversaries. At first it bothered me then I realized some of those couples who gushed on Facebook about how much they loved each other started to divorce so I’ll take my husband who loves me privately any day over those public displays of affection on social media. Just remember things aren’t always as they seem to be.
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