The Six Most Common Reasons for when there is a ‘Disconnect’ in the Bedroom


[Discretion: I realize some topics are difficult to discuss, please know that you are able to share this post in messenger]

Men’s “health” clinics are popping up all over our state, almost as fast as marijuana shops. Obviously, there is an epidemic that we are not openly discussing. One that is becoming more and more common. Have a girl’s night, drink a bottle of wine and sometimes the truth of bedroom struggles pour out with each glass.


Please listen to me when I say IT. IS. NOT. YOU. Do not go down that toxic spiral. You can look like a Victoria Secret model or have a mommy tummy. You can be kind and romantic, or stressed and overwhelmed. There is a disconnect, and here are six of the most common reasons for it (and note that your name is not on this list):

  1. Health: An underlying illness or medical reason could be the culprit. ED is a symptom in a plethora of diseases, this is why it is important to speak up and to talk to your doctor, no matter how difficult it might be.
  2. Emotional: Depression, anxiety and stress can trigger ED issues. Again, talk to your doctor and seek help.
  3. Hormones: The reason these low testosterone clinics are popping up is because of supply and demand. Your man’s numbers may be low. Please understand that there is a “normal” range but that does mean it is normal for your guy, even if he falls in that range. Talk to your doctor, check out a clinic and see if the shots or creams help, and if so, voila! Enjoy your sexy time.
  4. Diet and exercise: Our diets are high in estrogen: peanuts, soy, flax, GMOs, sugar, and other foods could be the blocker for your fun time. Alcohol is another common reason why men may struggle with ED. Try cutting out the junk, eating clean, and exercising to see if there is any improvement.
  5. PIED (porn induced erectile dysfunction): Some websites will actually encourage men struggling with their libidos to look at porn, but science and recent studies have actually shown that porn is extremely harmful to intimate relationships and is actually causing life-long ED problems in many addicted users. Please check out the following movements and links if you want to know more about this: Time Magazine Post (this is $2.99 without a subscription but it is the April 2016 magazine and you can find it for free at your local library) or Porn Kills Love Movement
  6. The Big ‘C’- Cheating: I hate putting this bullet in here and I hope so much that if you and your man are having a difficult time, that it is something as simple as his soy latte, but sometimes the troubles in the bedroom aren’t biological, but sometimes they are emotional, and deep. People cheat for a million reasons, again, this is not you. Do not go down that toxic spiral.

What to do if you and your man are struggling:

  1. Don’t jump to any conclusions or take the ‘lack of excitement’ personal. Slow down and start ruling out all biological factors first.
  2. Do not take responsibility. No matter what has been said in those awkward moments, it is not your fault. You do not need to be more or less.
  3. He is probably embarrassed, scared, or worried, that doesn’t give him the right to lash out at you, but it does explain why he might (falsely) blame you.
  4. Finally, as difficult as it is, show grace to one another. Men, this sort of thing messes with women’s psyche, we have a deep desire to be wanted. If you are struggling with ED, show your wife that you want her in a variety of ways until the root of the problem is revealed. Ladies, this is just as tough on men. Show him that he too is desired, and still ‘all man’ to you.

Sexual health is as important as mental, physical, spiritual and emotional health. These things can be difficult to discuss. One step at a time. You are not alone in this challenging season.

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After growing up in this city and as a Colorado native, Crystal has a deep love for these mountains, especially 'that mountain' and cherishes our symphonic sunsets. When she is not playing in our purple mountain backyard, teaching high school, taking classes at the University of Denver or happily engaged in the daily banalities, Crystal enjoys any excuse to dress up; She likes to go to the theater, laugh at comedy clubs, and of course, she loves girls’ nights out (regardless if that is with her girlfriends or her daughters.) She listens to old school rap, 90’s music or songs a little too ‘dramatic’ while lifting weights, and country music while cooking/baking. Although the mountains are her home, she is more of a sunshine and water kind of girl; summer is her absolute favorite season. She is the single mama to her two darling daughters. The three of them spend their time engrossed in dance parties, reading one more story and they always find the time to cuddle and laugh about everything and absolutely nothing. She is excited to share glimpses of her life with you. She assures you that by no means is she perfect; she is simply a mother trying to fiercely love her children, her people and her community. Oh, and of course—GO Pioneers, Broncos, Rockies, Avalanche, Nuggets and Sky Sox!