Getting pregnant, being pregnant, and raising children bring out some of the highest highs and deepest lows. It is a vulnerable place to be, to watch your body struggle to get pregnant, to stay pregnant, and even to recover from being pregnant. And when things don’t go according to plan, the statistic being one in every four pregnancies won’t, it is heartbreaking.
So we’ve gathered six different stories from six different women, all who are sharing their experiences of loss in the hopes that we might connect and encourage women everywhere who might have walked, and be walking similar paths.
Tell us about you, as a mother, and what a normal day for you might look like.
I’m a mama to one very busy, almost two year old little boy and I am currently pregnant. I, myself, prefer to eat loads of gluten, sugar by the spoonfuls, and drink the occasional Diet Coke. I feed my son, however, none of that… okay, he does eat gluten. I have a hunky husband who is the bomb dot com and I love the life we’re creating together. On a normal day, you’ll find Ajax and I at the gym, playground, doing something that involves trucks, or watching Toy Story… for the millionth time.
You’re a mother, how many times over?
I’ve had five pregnancies. Three pregnancies have been lost, but I’m blessed to have one twenty-three month old little boy, and another little one who is suppose to make his/her appearance in March 2016.
What was the hardest part, for you, walking through a miscarriage or pregnancy loss?
The hardest part for me was seeing other pregnant bellies that should of mirrored my own belly, but didn’t. It just felt like a cruel reminder that I was not pregnant; that my pregnancy had been lost and all the hopes and dreams of that little one lost with it. It was a tough place to know “I should of been…” at different milestones, but wasn’t. I know all of my due dates, even the ones that never happened.
What was the biggest help for you, during this time?
For me, it was when those closest to me would give me space – usually emotional space – to work through my emotions and letting me feel like I could “just breath.” Most times, that breathing room enabled me to process what I was feeling, usually through writing, and it was very therapeutic.
Also, getting to talk or text or write about my losses and see others connect with my story through that, gives me great joy. There is something therapeutic for me, about taking my experience and connecting others through them that seems to give life to little lives that were lost.
What was it like being pregnant, after suffering a loss?
It’s just plain scary. Even once I’ve move into the category “safe” or have passed what I didn’t pass before, fears seem to constantly bombard my heart. Fears about things that haven’t happened to me, but others I know, fears of “is something happening now.” It’s a tough ride being pregnant after a loss, but it’s never, never not been worth it.
What is the best way you think a person can offer support to someone going through a miscarriage or pregnancy loss?
I think acknowledging their loss and even a simple “I’m so sorry” does wonders. No one wants to feel forgotten, or that what they went through so easily leave people’s minds. They lost a little life and their hearts deeply feel that. When you can come along side someone and just let them know that you care, it does worlds for their heart.
If you could look another woman in the eyes who is currently walking through a miscarriage or pregnancy loss, what would you tell her?
That I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss.
Lean in. Lean in to those around you, and those who love you. Let them care for you and your heart. Grief takes it’s own, unique path on everyone visited. So don’t worry if grief sticks around a while, or leaves quickly. There’s no wrong way to grieve.
Is there anything else about this season in your life that you would like us to know?
I don’t think you ever get better at dealing with the loss of a pregnancy. No matter when, or how, or how many times, it always breaks your heart. I wish I could say that after three lost pregnancies, I’m more prepared, more capable of dealing with the loss… but I’m not. If I were to lose another pregnancy, I would be just as crushed and heartbroken as I was the first time it happened. It’s always tough. Always.