Every time we leave the house, I explain my expectations. It helps me and my kids know what to expect. I strategically plan our outings. I usually try to do them when at least one is at school. But when I have all 3 kids, I know I’ll get comments from strangers. It always increases my anxiety. I feel like I get comments because everyone can see that I am on the struggle bus! I am overwhelmed.
Conversation #1
- Me: “Okay, what do I expect while we are in the store?”
- Kid 1: “Not touching everything.”
- Kid 2: “Listening ears turned up.”
- Me: “Yes and yes! We need to get a few things, I don’t want you to touch everything, and this is a store, not a playground. We will listen, we will respect the things and the people that are in here. Do you remember what respect means?”
- Kid 1: “Treating people and things like I want to be treated.”
- Me: “Ok, I’m going to get out the stroller, and the baby, and then you can both come out on Hailey’s side. I want you to see me and be able to touch me the whole time.”
We enter the store and the big kids have their roles. My oldest is carrying the basket, my middle is holding onto the stroller and the baby is happily kicking away. We have our list, we talked about expectations, we are ready to shop. I am hoping that this trip doesn’t end with me crying. I really need the kids to follow the rules.
We need to get out of the house more, but it’s so hard with three. I have so much anxiety. Are the kids going to listen? Is the baby going to cry the entire time? Will my daughter throw an epic fit? When do the fits stop? Can I do more to discourage those?
Conversation #2
- Random person I don’t know: “Wow, your hands are so full.”
- Me: “Yes, we’re lucky.” Awkward laugh. Why do people always say that? The kids are doing great. Did we walk in front of them, and I didn’t realize it? Do I look overwhelmed? Are my kids actually wild and I don’t notice anymore? It was a compliment.
- Kid 1: “Where did Trace go?”
- Me: “Trace.”
- Clothing rack: Giggling
- Random person 2: “Don’t blink. You’ll miss these days.”
I know that I will miss these days. I know that they will go by in a blur. I’m not overly sensitive. I know that these comments are well intentioned. Logically, I know all of this.
But right now I am overwhelmed. I worry that my kids will only look back and remember that their mom was stressed out all the time. A million thoughts roll around my head all day long. I have everyone’s schedule of activities, naps, and snacks to keep organized. A to-do list that is never complete. A sink full of dishes and a baby who won’t leave the dishwasher alone. And a daughter who is navigating friendships. (Side note: why are girls so mean and dramatic? Do they actually need friends?) Meanwhile, my son is frustrated that his picture isn’t quite right and his tower keeps falling over.
Overwhelmed
There are a million things that I want to do and I am constantly re-prioritizing what I can do and what I need to do. I don’t teach my kids enough and spend too much time working and working on the house. I never do one-on-one dates. This morning, I did a pretty good job of not losing my temper. Yesterday, I yelled too much. We don’t leave the house enough.
Oh shoot, I really hope the baby doesn’t fall asleep in the car. I need her to nap in her crib so I can play games with the big kids. They are really attached to me, how do I help them be more independent? I wish I could just sit for a few minutes. Why is it always so loud in here? I haven’t planned a date with my husband for a while, when was the last time we went out?
Strangers… I appreciate the need to share a word of encouragement for a fellow mom. I do. But maybe next time, make it a “You’re doing great, Mom.”
